Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
