Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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