you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
