i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
