Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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