I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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