Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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