So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
