My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
