Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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