I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
