if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is wine microwaveable?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
