What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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