Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
