I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
