Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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