6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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