Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You left your phone here
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