Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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