she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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