I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
