Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
pop tarts are not kleenex
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
