Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
