I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm really busy with my period
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