Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
