What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
