O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
