last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She announced her abortion via fbk
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
