Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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