Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
