If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
