so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
