she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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