There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
