we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
