Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
