she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
