Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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