Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
