The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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