Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
