I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
