you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
