If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
