im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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