apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
