we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
