I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
