they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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