to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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